My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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