she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
