My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
