the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize