It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
