Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am one with the molecules
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
