I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
