Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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