Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
