I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
