Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
