I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
