im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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