I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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