dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
