In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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