I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
