We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
