the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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