am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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