White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
