What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I supernannyed him into submission
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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