Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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