I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
