I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
