I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
