How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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