he wants to bone in the snuggie
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
