Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
