matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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