how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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