You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize