just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
