Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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