So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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