Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
