I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
