I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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