just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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