bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
