I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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