Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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