How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
