Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
