I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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