No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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