with your own penis?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
