Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
