What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
