Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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