"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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