I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
