Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
