Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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