dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
