I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
