The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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