SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
