dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
