hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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