in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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