member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
