Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Someone came in the potted fern
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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