Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
