Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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