i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
sex in a hospital.. check
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
