Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
