some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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