he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
