so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my sisters under your porch take her home
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
