I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
