those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
