My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
