Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
