I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
