I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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