This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
