there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
