I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
