woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
