I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
