Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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