you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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